Hope for the future

 ¹ This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD: ² “This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: ‘Write in a book all the words I have spoken to you. ³ The days are coming,’ declares the LORD, ‘when I will bring my people Israel and Judah back from captivity and restore them to the land I gave their ancestors to possess,’ says the LORD.”

~Jeremiah 30:1-3

Are you kidding me?! Pt 2

....The Lord is faithful and here is the continued story from a previous post titled: 

Are you kidding me?!

Walking out life trusting the Lord is not as easy/convenient/fun as it may sound.

When the Lord tells you one thing, it seems that everyone else has something different to say:

~get your resume' together

~move to KC

~women's shelter

~live with your outlaws

~move to TN

~craigslist

~go back to school

~Mclean Bible website

~move to Wisconsin

..just to name a few

This lead me to open up the Word of God and see if there wasn't someone else who God told to do something that didn't really make sense and see how they handled it:

vs14"Make yourself an ark of cypress wood; make rooms in the ark...Make a roof for the ark.. and  put the door of the ark in its side; make it with lower, second and third decks. For my part, I am going to bring a flood of waters on the earth, to destroy from under heaven all flesh in which is the breath of life; everything that is on the earth shall die. But I will establish my covenant with you; and you shall come into the ark, you , your sons, your wife, and your sons' wives with you."

vs22"Noah did this; he did all that God commanded him." 

If you are a serious theologian, then you know that a huge flood came, there were lots of animals, 2x2 on the arc, and everyone on the earth, except the arc dwellers, died. 

I decided to listen to the Lord. I waited. I trusted...

except that one time when I got on craigslist and got a heavenly smack on the hand.

The thing was that I could have stayed in the apartment but I just didn't have the money for it minor details. I had to be out, or write a check by the 7th of January.

A check, from a random person, was handed to me on the 3rd of January.

And this continued, getting a check from random people, 

FOR 7 MONTHS!!!

I put in my notice but found out it was a 60 day notice instead of a 30 day And of course I blogged about it It's time....

The rent was paid for until I officially moved out on August 8th.

When the Lord says to wait & trust the only thing to do is wait & trust. 

HE is ridiculously faithful. 

Stupid faithful.

I promise.

Then HE told me to go and I went....

but that is a whole 'nother story.

Thanks for reading.

Boast

"I will bless the LORD at all times;

his praise shall continually be in my mouth.

My soul makes its boast in the LORD;

let the humble hear and be glad.

O magnify the LORD with me, 

and let us exalt his name together.

I sought the LORD, and he answered me,

and delivered me from all my fears.

Look to him, and be radiant;

so your faces shall never be ashamed.

This poor soul cried, and was heard by the LORD,

and was saved from every trouble."

~Psalm 34:1-6

Sweet Encouragement

"But Zion said, 'The LORD has forsaken me, 

my LORD has forgotten me.'

Can a woman forget her nursing child, 

or show no compassion for the child of her womb?

Even these may forget, 

yet I will not forget you.

See, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands;

your walls are continually before me.

Your builders outdo your destroyers, 

and those who laid you waste go away from you.

Lift up your eyes all around and see;

they all gather, they come to you.

As I live, says the LORD, 

you shall put all of them on like an ornament,

and like a bride you shall bind them on."

Isaiah 49:14-18

It's time..

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together; 

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to throw away;" 

Ecclesiastes 3:1,5/6

I have never before read those lines. The sweet little morsels were sandwiched between the lines I have frequently heard about being born and dying; war and peace. 

Something new is happening. 

I do not know what it looks like just yet but I am committed to the story and to finding out what the next chapters holds.

I have been in a season of WAIT and my soul is feeling the pull to GO.

I know not where; I know not when, but as I read the Word of God, I see over and over again a little line that pierces my heart. 

"as they went".

The Lord shows up over and over again as people were on the journey somewhere. I don't think these folk expected God to show up along the journey. I think they were waiting for the destination. I think we do this all to often. 

'When I get married..."

"When I get that job..."

"When I move to.........."

It is time. 

I. am. going. 

I fully expect the Lord to show up as I go. The destination is great and I am excited for it, but the transformation that is going to happen in these next few pages is way more critical to the story than where I actually end up. 

I am not scared as I walk into the unknown.

I am frightened for what would happen if I stay put.... 

Just a few stones

photo: vi.sualize.us

I have been studying the story of David in 1Samuel.

 I am blown away by this man in his faith and confidence in the LORD. 

There is one line that just baffles me:

17:48 "When the Philistine drew nearer to meet David, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet the Philistine."

Ran. Quickly. Toward.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

So you mean to tell me that there was this giant who was about 10 feet tall whom David had to fight, David was no MMA fighter by the way, and because of his relationship with the LORD, he knew that the LORD would deliver him from the hand of this giant??? AND...You mean to tell me that David didn't use the weapons that King Saul gave him. He took his armour OFF?

Is this kid crazy??

And THEN the little knuckle head went over to the river bed and picked up some STONES. Rocks. Pebbles. Was he THAT ignorant. Does he realize how silly he looks? Does he know how many people are watching and how much is at stake? 

Maybe he should have paused for a bit and weighed out all the pro's and con's for his actions. Clearly, if he thought this out logically he would realize that there was no way he could have won.

But this man knew his God. 

vs50 "So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone, striking down the Philistine and killing him; there was no sword in David's hand."

Are we begging God to rescue us from the giants that are ready to destroy us or do we run quickly into battle with full confidence in what the LORD has spoken over us. 

If you like what you read then please follow and share with someone who could benefit :) Thanks!

Bridge over troubled waters

A bridge has been built between my unstable past and my solid future. 

It is up to me to walk across it.

As I walk, I look down seeing the dreams and ideas that have fallen below.

My hope can no longer reside in those things. 

Not in a marriage, not in a degree, not in a cute house with great appliances. 

My hope won't rest in a great wardrobe or the best body or the most wonderful travels.

My hope is in the Lord. 

My dreams have been too small. 

My vision cloudy.

' And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her by the LORD'

-Luke 1:45

Ruthless obedience

I was reading today in 1 Samuel about King Saul.

I long for 100% obedience.

To sum up the chapter, Samuel got a Word from the Lord for the newly appointed King Saul. He tells the King specifically where to go and what will happen when he gets there. He tells Saul about the people he will meet along the way and specifically:

10:8 'You must wait for seven days until I (Samuel) arrive and give you (Saul) further instructions'.

So the story goes on and all things happen just as the Lord had said. Day 7 rolls around and no Samuel. King Saul and his men are starting to freak out (I forgot to mention there were about 3,000 chariots, 6,000 charioteers and the Word says,"and as many warriors as the grains of sand on the seashore!" waiting to kill Saul and his men. So King Saul takes matters into his own hands and commands his people to take up a burnt offering...bad choice.

13:10 "Just as Saul was finishing with the burnt offering, Samuel arrived. Saul went out to meet and welcome him, but Samuel said, "What is this you have done?"

So Saul does his 'but..but..but.' and tries to make excuses for what he did.

13:13"How foolish!' Samuel exclaimed. 'You have not kept the command the LORD your God gave you. Had you kept it, the LORD would have established your kingdom over Israel forever. 14 But now your kingdom must end, for the LORD has sought out a man after his own heart. The LORD has already appointed him to be the leader of his people, because you have not kept the LORD's command."

Moral of the story:

 Be ruthlessly obedient when the LORD tells you to do something, especially when you feel like you are about to be defeated. The Lord is faithful, and as I am learning, HE likes to wait to the last minute to see if we really trust what HE has told us. It is scary and painful and you will feel alone BUT I believe that kingdoms await those who obey. I long for 100% obedience.

“If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully keep all his commands that I am giving you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations of the world."-Deuteronomy 28:1

What has the LORD told you to do?

Egypt

"HE gives strength to those who are tired and more power to those who are weak"

-Isaiah 40:29

I love that spring is right around the corner. Promises of newness await. I am loving my hour commute to work. That time of solitude with my God and with some great music. As I was driving today, I couldn't help but be thankful for all the Lord has allowed in my life. I am loving how the 'testing of our faith develops perseverance' (James 1:3). I feel so much stronger this year. I have more faith and trust in my God than I ever have. I am so thankful for the crazy prayer of, "Lord, do what it takes in my life to get me where you want me". I remember praying that a few years ago. I prayed it again today, remembering the wrecking ball that demolished my life the last time I prayed it. But this time, I didn't pray it in a hesitant manner. I know that the Lord is faithful to do what HE says. I know the Lord is about bringing us into HIM. I know the Lord is good and gracious and loves us with an ardent love. He is jealous and a warrior and kind. He knows all and can see what I can't. So, I pray it with a trust in my soul that I didn't have last time. With a knowing that things are not going to go the way I imagine. 

I am running hard after the Lord. I am seeking first His kingdom. Let's see where that takes me....

2010

Unbelievable. This is the last day of the year. Tomorrow is the day that I have been waiting for all year. This year has been the absolute hardest year of my 28 years of living. I am so glad it is coming to an end. As I reflect on the year, my heart can't help but give thanks. I am thankful for the view in which the Lord allowed the eyes of my soul to see, for without that, I have no idea how I would have made it through this year. I am so glad that 2010 will soon be a memory. I just looked in my journal from last year and the verse I had for this day was Psalm 27:14:

"Wait for the LORD, 

be strong, and let your heart take courage;

Wait for the LORD!"

What a year of waiting it has been. A painfully hard year that I chose to walk through, by the grace of God, because I believe all that has gone on was not about me. There is a story my God is trying to tell and I , in Bre fashion, was the first one to raise my hand and blindly sign up for whatever 'it' was. I will read the fine print next time. 

If I am completely honest with you, then I will tell you that I am scared to death for what is to come. Walking out ones story with eyes solely on the Lord with no strategy is the most difficult thing to do. At the beginning of my story, the Lord spoke Isaiah 54 over me. All I have is what God says:

"vs 4 Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; do not be discouraged, for you will not suffer disgrace;"

"vs 11 O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted, I am about to set your stones in antimony, and lay your foundations with sapphires, I will make your pinnacles of rubies, your gates of jewels, and all your wall of precious stones."

"vs16 See it is I who have created the smith who blows the fire of coals, and produces a weapon fit for its purpose; I have also created the ravager to destroy. No weapon that is fashioned against you shall prosper, and you shall confute every tongue that rises against you in judgement."

I am going to keep trusting and see what happens. I thankfully say goodbye to 2010 and gladly welcome 2011. 

There is a power in poverty that breaks principalities

And the plot thickens...
I am pregnant with twins. Just kidding. I am desperately grasping to the promises that God has given me. That is all I have right now. I don't have any answer but what is in Isaiah 54 and I am meditating day and night on these:

"'See, I made the blacksmith. He fans the fire to make it hotter, and he makes the kind of tool he wants. In the same way I have made the destroyer to destroy. So no weapon that is used against you will defeat you. You will show that those who speak against you are wrong. These are the good things my servants receive. Their victory come from ME,' says the LORD"vs 16/17

It is getting hot. Much hotter. 

Also, hear what is in James: 

"Brothers and sisters, follow the example of the prophets who spoke for the LORD. They suffered many hard things, but they were patient. We say they are happy because they did not give up. You have heard about Job's patience, and you know the LORD's purpose for him in the end. you know the LORD is full of mercy and is kind" vs10/11

I must remember my purpose in all of this. It is about the story. About the kingdom. I hope a vacation is written in the story somewhere soon...

Taketh away

"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return there; the LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong-doing" Job 1: 20-22

The Soul Train

It is quite an amazing experience to actually walk through either a painful or emotional process. I have blogged on this before I believe. About the difference in walking through and experiencing the emotion rather than just trying to get over it or suppress it. Something so significant happens in the soul. The soul is allowed to grow up and get a bit more stable and understand life in a richer way. I hope that I never want the process of life to rush by. I hope to glean all I can from the moments that happen. I hope to take mental pictures so that might remember who I was with and what I was about at the time it happened. As I sit on my bed right now- typing, listening to Carla Bruni, windows open, rain pouring and wind blowing, I thank my God for this nite. This emotional nite in which my soul was able to grow up a bit more. A nite where my Lord met me in my fear and questions. A nite where I was able to feel the weight of it all and then able to feel the relief of it all as my Jesus lifted the burden and simply loved on me.

"Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life"

Proverbs 4:23

The battle is the Lord's

We are at war. A constant battle where the goal of the enemy is to capture our soul. He wants to hold our dreams and futures captive. He is out to destroy us. To trick us into thinking we don't matter. That our lives don't matter. That we are worthless. Don't be confused. Don't you dare put down your shield. Rise up dear friend. Let us go into battle together. I love Exodus 14. It is so rich. Moses replies to the Israelites, who were wanting to go back into captivity, oh how quickly we forget the promises of the Lord, by saying this,  

vs 13: 

"Don't be afraid! Stand still and you will see the LORD save you today. vs14You will never see these Egyptians again after today. You only need to remain calm; the LORD will fight for you."

Standing still is in reference to being restless and worrying. Every time that I have read this verse, I stop with that lovely verse 14. Today, for the first time, I kept reading. The next verses blew me away. The LORD responds to Moses, "Why are you crying out to me? Command the Israelites to start MOVING. "

Having the Lord fight for us does not look like us sitting back sipping a latte while He does what He does.  We MOVE.  It is in this movement where HIS power is manifested. We are at war. There is no time to be complacent. Have your sword ready. MOVE!

short people are better than tall people

All of the pieces are slowly coming together.
My heart feels so glad.
This month is amazing.
The Lord has been speaking such sweetness to me.

"O afflicted one, storm-tossed, and not comforted, I am about to set your stones in antimony Antimony is a precious stone , and lay your foundations with sapphires. I will make your pinnacles of rubies, your gates of jewels, and all your wall of precious stones. 
All your children shall be taught by the LORD, and great shall be the prosperity of your children.  In righteousness you shall be established; you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near you.  If anyone stirs up strife, it is not from me; whoever stirs up strife with you shall fall because of you.  See it is I who have created the smith who blows the fire of coals, and produces a weapon fit for its purpose; I have also created the ravager to destroy.  NO weapon that is fashioned against you shall prosper, and you shall confute every tongue that rises against you in judgement.  This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD and their vindication from me, says the LORD."- Isaiah 54:11-17


Yeah. Change is coming.
The sweet refreshing breeze is blowing.
Rachel Zoe is making life better.
All of the pieces are slowly coming together.
It's my birthday month.

Random ponderings #3

I really want to write. So I am. Despite the clock saying it is now AM, I will carry on. Umm. Random Ponderings time.....I think so.

I love that my friends know that I am always up late and that they send me txt messages late. It makes me happy.

I am an outward processor. I have used that phrase a lot tonite at work. It is kinda funny. Like it is my disease and you will just have to deal with it. I mean it not as an excuse to say whatever I want but to let you know that just because I have a "great idea" it doesn't mean that I am actually going to go ahead and proceed with that idea. Like my great idea to travel the world and just eat. Now...would I take that job if it were available..YES..am I selling all my possessions now and looking up flights to Europe? Well, no to the first part but no harm in looking up flights...Right?

I am sitting on my porch. I am cold. Both of these things make me really happy. Like really happy. I am also sipping some tea and the dishwasher is running. All of which is deserving of a smile. :).

I am currently reading, "Prayer" by Philip Yancey and listening to the audiobook , "Traffic" and about to get the book, "The 4 Hour Work Week"....Lots to learn

I went to the farmers market today: apples, nectarines, asian pear, basil, cilantro and green beans are in my possession.

I think a kitchen should either smell like basil or clorox. Currently, mine does.

If you live in the Northern Virginia area, I don't understand why you haven't gone to Northside Social and had the Pumpkin Ice Cream. It deserves to be capitalized. It is UNREAL. Get it. And to the maker of that Pumpkin Ice Cream, it must always stay on the menu.....ALWAYS. Thanks R.

I am learning that it is good to test the depth of the water before I cannonball into it. And swimmies are a good help too considering I am not that great of a swimmer.

Birthday Month. Holy September. This month is flying by and I don't like that one bit.

Monday, I drove to the mountains..Bailey was asleep in her carseat. It was great. I live so close to the mountains. Why don't I do that more. I will now.

I wish I was a little bit taller. I wish I was a baller. I wish I had a....wait....

I have the best brothers ever. Nate and Jon. Such great guys. Lubooooo.

NEW SEASON OF RACHEL ZOE!!!!!!!!!!! I DIED. ITS BANANAS. SO EXCITING!!!!

I have an eating disorder.

I would rather go to Antarctica than India, Oregon than Hawaii, Toronto than Vegas, Maine than Miami, Norway than Paris, Cambodia than Japan, Seattle than NYC.

The above mentioned disorder is called a lot and too much. I am thankful for a speedy metabolism or else I just might look like Jennifer Hudson last season.

Life is really hard now but I will not quit. Okay. I take that back. I might quit a few things but not life itself. I want to see how my story pans out. I also really want to someday have that Hermes watch and have a 6 burner industrial kitchen stove so....I will keep on keepin on.

"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord more than those who watch for the morning, more than those who watch for the morning"-Psalm 130:5/6

sweet/bitter.

Life is wonderful right now.
 Bailey is sleeping in my bed, the dishwasher is running, candles lit, teapot is whistling, kitchen is clean and my two dear friends just left(not glad they left but very glad for our evening together). What a surreal moment. The LORD really does make all things beautiful. Just in time. I feel like the 'just in time' part gets looked over but it's key. Some time ago (almost a year ago) I was reading this verse:

"For the LORD has called you like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, like the wife of a man's youth when she is cast off, says your God. For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with great compassion I will gather you." Isaiah 54:6

I really feel as though I walked out the first part of that verse this past year. I have spent many a nights wondering where my husband was, questioning God and why he would have ME go through this. I mean, clearly I am so great that stuff like "this" shouldn't be happening to me...right? WRONG!!. Not so great ms. bre. not.so.great.  , listening to Jason Upton and Laura Hackett and crying out words that I didn't yet believe. 

The sweet isn't as sweet without the bitter.

My life is so sweet. 

I am being gathered. 

Kim Kardashian

okay. so i wasn't sitting on Santa's lap. I was sitting in my little silver Fit- having a fit. I cried almost the whole way home today. Thank the Lord for Marc Jacobs who made me a beautiful pair of RED sunglasses that hid my RED crying eyes. I was a mess. Just a mess. I did just horrible on my finals today.  One in particular. I sat there in traffic reflecting on this year of school that just went by.
It did go by fast.
So fast.
I was reminded of Esther in my car. Queen Esther.
I imagine she looked something like Kim Kardashian.

Yeah. She looked just like that. (Minus the implants)

So, whether you know the story of Esther or not I am going to tell you a few things about her early life. 

First. She was an orphan. NO mom. NO dad. Abandoned. Dang. 

Second. She was raised by her cousin. Male cousin. Think about one of your older male cousins RAISING you. Probably not the most ideal set up. She was a girl. A little girl. Like a million years ago in somewhere like Pakistan or India or one of those countries. We will just call it the East for the sake of me having google where King Xerxes ruled in that day. Oh Its probably persia.... that place is filled with beautiful women. yeah. I bet it is Persia.... Kim looks Persian.... I don't know much about her but I think she is persian.I am glad that i found this type with the line thru it. yeah for blog stalking.

So this is what I am thinking about while in my Fit. Not all the other things. Not that she became Queen. Not her royal robes or the banquets or how beautiful she was. I was thinking on the hard times. The beginning. I was thinking that she had no clue that she would one day be Queen of the East. okay. not saying AT ALL that i am going to be a queen. wait....queen's are in Europe right? England...i should have paid more attention in history then i would know where XerXes ruled and where they have queens. i should capitalize Queen. so lets just say i was a Queen. that would mean that i would have to marry a wealthy european man.......hmmm. something to pray about at least. 

this could be my home :)

Back to Kim.

I mean Esther.

Wait..no me in my Fit.

So...the moral of this story is that while her life seems to be falling apart, the LORD was working it out. It was all a part of the story. The story!!!!! 

I was reminded of MY story. 

This day in my life. This page of the story. Is for a reason. If I failed my exams and get kicked out with student loans and some expensive instruments that i won't be able to use and still no place to live and no money yet gently dismissed from the Dental Hygiene program then it will not be the end of the world. 

WHO KnoWS???

That is what Mordecai, her cousin,  later says to Queen Esther about her queenship. 

 4:14...

"....And who knows, you may have been chosen Queen for just such a time as this"

that was in reference to her saving the Jewish people from extermination. WOW. I bet that never in her early years she thought she would be in such a position. 

I doubt I will be Queen but I do know that my story will be told. I do hope that at least one life will be rescued and encouraged. Thru the series of events that have occurred this past year and this upcoming year, pages will be written and chapters completed. 

Who knows GOD DOES!!!!!!! maybe I had this terrible year for _____________________. 

Dear Lord, I thank you for that which I cannot see. I trust you. Thank you!!!

yeah, beautiful necklace...hahaha.

24

The past 24 hours have been unbelievable. So much has happened yet on the outside it would seems like not a lot at all.  The past day has been about obedience. Little things. I mean little. Nothing crazy at all. Not selling all my belongings or moving to a 3rd world country but doing small things like picking up a silly book, taking someone some food, asking God what I knew I was suppose to ask, and having a discussion with someone. 
Simple.
I do the same with my 2 year old daughter Bailey. Sometimes I have to bribe her to take a nap. Promises of cupcakes and presents await her if she sleeps for a very long time. She does. Other times, I simply tell her to do something. I look at her with confidence knowing that she can do it and confidence that she will trust me...she knows I have nothing but the best planned for her life. 
This is how the Lord is towards me.
HE is gentle with my heart. Not screaming at me. Lovingly telling me to take someone food. Kindly urging me to pick up that silly book. 
And then it happens.
HE speaks. HE moves. 
Things happen in the heavens and I get to be apart of it
WOW
The past few years, It's like I have been locked up. A prisoner in my own home. In my own story. I couldn't get out, couldn't get help, stuck in a tragedy. 
BUT...
I have been rescued. From a series of very sad events, I was able to get out. I am out of that story and have been placed in a new one. 
A NEW STORY!!!!!
I am daily walking out the pages of my story. Its gonna be a great one. 
Today, I was thinking about the past 20 some years of my life and how they looked nothing like I imagined. Then, I started thinking about the next 20. Why on earth would I even for a second think that I can somehow figure out what they are going to look like?!. Silly me. 
I know this-
The next 20 are going to be above and beyond anything I could ever dream up in my head. There will be tears and shopping and friends and hopefully a strong man.
I feel different today. I am feeling something that I have never felt. My SOUL feels confident. Confident in the Lord and His plan. In that silly book, the LORD spoke Romans 15:13 to my heart:
"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit."
I have been overwhelmed with this verse today. WOW. Thank you silly book. Also, some plans that I had made a week ago are not going to happen anymore. I am so thankful. It was the right decision. For that I am glad I asked God the hard question and had a discussion. I listened to an amazing sermon today. It did something in my spirit. For that, I am thankful that I took someone food. 
Things are changing. Its a new book, new cover, new author. Pages are being written just as I write now. Im excited. 

Crazy mesh

What a crazy mesh of emotion my heart is going thru right now. It is really hard to believe that one can feel deeply saddened and grieved yet at the exact same moment feel absolute joy. The heart can feel completely alone and isolated all the while feeling surrounded and protected. I don't know how this works. Life has never felt more real than it does now. Life is so hard and complex and yet so simple and beautiful.

The Lord is bringing up so much in my heart. I am easily reminded of my lack. Of my mess. Of my fears. Of the place that I am in now and all that I will need to go through to come out better than when I went in. I don't know how to walk this out. I don't know what I should be doing this year. I mean, I know I will be in school, moving, finding a job and taking care of Bailey but I don't know what my HEART is suppose to do. I prayed a really scary prayer again last nite. You know that prayer of asking the Lord to do what it takes in order to get you into the place that He has called for you. If you have not prayed that then please note: God is Faithful. I prayed that prayer about a year before I left for Hawaii to do my DTS with YWAM. That was one of the  loneliest years of my life. I lived alone, had no friends and no man even looked at me. BUT...I learned so much that year. I was broken to a new level. My heart started to become free.

I feel like this year is going to be a year of breaking free and allowing the Lord to fight for me.
Exodus 14:14
          "The Lord will fight for you- you need only to be still!"
This is the most comforting yet frightening scripture to me. For 1. I am a fighter. ;) 2. Being still?

AHHH! So to sum things up. I need all the prayers I can get for this year because you better believe I want all that the Lord has for me. You better believe I have so much to learn and have every intention to go thru the fire. And you better believe that just because my heart is joyful and I am strong in the Lord DOES NOT mean that I am not sad and broken and so weak sometimes. One of the difficult and lonely thing about being a strong black woman and a strong white woman is that people tend to leave you alone because they see that you are not wimpering in a corner. There are days that I do wimper in the corner. BuT! I will not allow the enemy to destroy me. I have to get up. I have a destiny and a hope and a future that needs to be had. I will have it. If you know me even a bit then you know that I hate to lose. Maybe coming from an athletic family and being the oldest of 2 wonderful brothers (whom I seriously destroyed over the years) has made me that way. Of course it has.