Memories...

I have been thinking about all the random pages of my story that will never get published. The filler pages that no one really wants to read, but little paragraphs that I carry with me as I travel through the pages of my story:

1. The time that I was hanging out with my friend Toni in good ol' Raytown, Missouri. We went to get into some trouble at a friends house and as I walked through the front yard to get to the house, I heard someone yell out the window from upstairs:

"DON'T EVER WALK THROUGH A BLACK PERSON'S YARD!!"

I never walk through people's yards. Especially if they are black.

2. My family went to eat at this wonderful place called Grandy's in KC. I was probably 10 years old. I accidentally left my purse there. I am not sure if I got the purse back, but the feeling of losing all of my little 'precious' things was horrible.

I have never forgotten my purse, keys or phone.

3. While in Jamaica, the group I was with went cliff jumping into a most beautiful lagoon.

I am scared of heights and big water (oceans). 

I am also not the best swimmer and can only hold my breathe for about 4 seconds.

As I was mid air, I remembered all of these things. 

I think this one sums up how I go about life:

Pray. Jump. Figure it out as you go. Make a beautiful memory. Don't ever do it again. 

What are some memories that effect who you are today?

Are you kidding me?!

The Lord is faithful.

There are so many little stories that I could tell you about how faithful HE has been in these most recent chapters of my story, and I feel that it is now time to start sharing these stories:

Last November/December was a crazy time for me. The lease for my apartment was up the first week of January and I couldn't afford my 1,200$ a month rent as a single mom. Graciously, some dear friends of mine knew my situation and offered their home to me. We had been talking about this idea a bit since  September and they were more than ready to have Bailey and I in their home. How awesome was that!!! So, as I started to pack(late November), I called to see which weekend would be best to start moving in. The person said, "oh, I am sorry, it's not going to work out.".....

WHAT?!

HUH...

What do you mean it's not going to work out.....

Did we not have a few months worth of conversation about this? 

I was beyond confused but knew the Lord was at work.

So, early December, another friend sits down with me and explains that they need au pair and that I could live with them AND they would pay me. What an amazing opportunity! I was looking to transition jobs and the location would be perfect and I would get to spend my days with Bailey. They needed someone right at the new year too! This was amazing and right on time! 

Journal entry Dec9th:

 'When things don’t seem like they will work out, HE makes an even better way than what we could expect'

So Christmas Eve, I get a call from them saying, "It's not going to work out."

ARE 

YOU 

KIDDING ME!!!!!

At this point, I had 2 weeks to be out of my apartment. I could stay but I didn't have the money.

I mean, is 1200$ just suppose to show up from nowhere?

Journal entry Dec 31st:

'I have no clue what 6 months from now will look like. Who is to say that I won’t be some women’s shelter somewhere. As I was just thinking that, I heard in my head, “I am about to…”. God is about to. I just have to wait on HIM. I have to wait on the LORD. WAIT on the LORD. It is so hard...Things might get harder before they get easier but something in my spirit says its going to be worth it.'

So there I was, days before I had to be out of my unpacked apartment with no money and I feel like I am just suppose to trust the Lord. 
Just wait and trust. 

Here is the post I wrote: 2010

To be continued....

 

Just jump!

Do you want to travel? Buy a ticket.

Want to learn a language? Sign up for a class.

Want your teeth whiter? Buy Crest white strips.

Want to lose some lbs? Quit drinkin beer and join CrossFit. 

Want to not watch so much tv? Turn the dang thing OFF.

Want to read a book? Read one. 

Sometimes we make life so much more complicated than it really is. 

Bags are packed!

I have a home. I am moving tomorrow. 

I will be in the exact neighborhood that I have been praying & wanting to live in. 

It is a better situation than I could have planned. 

I have trips planned every month till the end of the year. 

I am getting licensed to do hair! 

My daughter will start school next week and I will be 29 next month. 

Crazy.

And I remember what the Lord has allowed in my life in order to get me to this place. 

Not at all thinking that life will never again be as hard as it was, but, knowing that 

when I go through another battle, the Lord is faithful.

He provides. 

 He is gracious.

He loves with an ardent love.

 He is up to so much good.

He allows crazy things in our lives for the story that He is writing.

He is a master storyteller and a much better writer than I will ever be.

*P.S. If you have my blog link on your blog then you have to change the address to: brelthomas.blogspot.com or else folks can't click on it :) Thanks!

The End.

I want to remember this moment. 

This feeling. The reality that things did not~

absolutely did not

turn out the way I had hoped and planned. 

They are so much more difficult and so much better.

 I entered  this home a young hopeful bride and now, nearly 5 years later, I leave this apartment a single mother not knowing where I will be living next week. 

I leave with a few loyal friends by my side painting, taking stuff to the dumpster

 and cleaning the bathrooms. 

I have realized so much in this home. 

I have, many of nights, been on the floor of the bathroom 

balling my eyes out wondering where God was.  

I have been locked in my bedroom scared to death to come out. 

 I have learned how to cook in this kitchen. I started my business here. 

I brought my baby home to this address. 

I have had my lights cut off many a months in this home and wondered how 

I would be able to pay the bill on my own. 

I found out that I failed out of school in the hallway and in the living room was 

where I learned about the affair. 

I painted all the walls and hung every picture. 

I sat on the porch and ate ice cream more than I probably should have. 

I sat in my rocking chair in the middle of the night and nursed my baby with tears in my eyes 

wondering why the Lord would bless me with such a sweet darling. 

I learned the importance of a stud finder, clorox wipes and a mortar&pestle 

I can't believe 5 years has come and gone. 

Tears fill my eyes as I type this in my bare kitchen ~not because I am leaving this place but in thankfulness in all the Lord has allowed me to go through within these walls. 

I have gotten to know the Lord in this home. 

I have felt His presence and have heard His voice. 

I don't know where I will be living next. 

My home is the Hilton for now. 

It is all a part of the story and I must walk out these pages. 

And with that, I flip the last page of that book. 

The End.

It's a wonderful life.

Where do I begin...

Read this first: One year ago

Life is unreal. 

 Like, I honestly don't believe what is happening. 

If you know anything about me, then it is either that I hate kites or that I talk about life in terms of story. 

A few years ago, I handed over the pen, that I was using to write my own story, to the LORD. 

Since that moment, life has never been the same. 

Life got really "terrible" for a few years. I put terrible in quotes because what seemed to be terrible was actually the greatest thing that ever happened to my story. 

Failing out of school and getting divorce was not fun by any means but it was exactly what my character needed to go through in order to get where I am today. 

I thanked the Lord then, knowing that the storm would pass. 

And it has.

My life looks nothing like anything I could have written. 

It is a thousand times better and a million times harder. 

It is too WONDERFUL for me. 

I am entering into a new story with new characters & new adventures. 

I am overwhelmed with JOY.

I beg you, if you trying to write your own story, to hand over the pen to the Author who wrote the world and everything in it. 

Become a character in HIS story.

Endure the hard times.

Have crazy stupid faith that HE knows what HE is doing. 

Then, get lost in an epic story.

What kind of story are you living?

Bless this Mess

We all have a story. The days, months, and years that lead to this very day. Some have sad stories, some boring and others, while only a small handful, really exciting. If I had to put a title on my 28yr story I would call it “A beautiful Mess”. The beautiful part comes from the grace that the LORD has lavished upon me. And the ‘mess’, well:

The Mess

About 7 years ago, I wanted to get married. Like really bad. So I, being the strong 1/2 black woman that I am, made that happen. I just wanted to have my family and run my home and hang clothes on my clothes line and have friends over for dinner parties because we all know that is the reality of marriage (hahah). Looking back, it was a ‘DUH’ as to why I should not have entered into that marriage, but at the time, it was all I could focus on. I wanted a marriage more than I wanted the LORD’s will for my life. So I got it. I started school to become a dental hygienist, so that I could work and provide for my family..biblical, all while raising a 2yr old. Well, within the first year of the program, both my marriage and my education failed. Ugh. I lost my career, my husband, my money, my pride all in the same year. Kind of a lot. And that my friends is what I call the ‘mess’.

The beautiful

I am so thankful that I serve a GOD that is able to make right that which I mess up. The LORD put a new dream in my heart. A dream that could only have come by going through the loss and rejection that I went through. A dream that starts in a closet. In your closet. Cleaning out the clutter, organizing what is left. Simplifying your life. Teaching. Empowering. Encouraging. Because its all about your perspective and when you lose what you thought was ‘everything’, you can either gain depression and bitterness OR hope and a future!

I am excited for a year from now. I am not excited for all the things I have to do now in order to get what I feel is for me because, frankly, I do not enjoy handing out postcards door to door in my neighborhood. That is not fun. But it is the step that I have to take today yesterday to get where I want to be at 30yrs old. I feel like I have a second chance at life and, by God’s grace, I am NOT going to mess this up. 

The Journey

Where are you going and what do you need to get there?

Chapter 1

The LORD knows how to position us for that to which HE has called us. 

Killing Me Softly

As I sit on this patio at a coffee shop in Kansas City, I am plagued with the smell of cigarette smoke. 

Why do people still smoke? I think to myself. 

Don't these people know how bad smoking is for their body?

Why would you purposely put toxins in your body.

Why would you kill your cells one by one day after day.

Then I thought:

What do I do, day by day, bit by bit, that slowly kills my body, my soul, my mind.

Thoughts of past rejections silently kill my self-esteem.

Musical fumes laced with money & power quietly strum their beat in my heart.

Small doses of fear and doubt go down smooth every 4-6 hours. 

And I die a little bit everyday.

It is time that I wake up. It is time that you wake up. It is time we get the junk out. That we are aware of what we put in our bodies; in our minds; in our souls. 

It is my heart to change lives one closet at a time. 

One meal at a time. 

One conversation at a time. 

One day at a time.

What is on your heart?

Bridge over troubled waters

A bridge has been built between my unstable past and my solid future. 

It is up to me to walk across it.

As I walk, I look down seeing the dreams and ideas that have fallen below.

My hope can no longer reside in those things. 

Not in a marriage, not in a degree, not in a cute house with great appliances. 

My hope won't rest in a great wardrobe or the best body or the most wonderful travels.

My hope is in the Lord. 

My dreams have been too small. 

My vision cloudy.

' And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her by the LORD'

-Luke 1:45

Happily Ever After

My life is turning into quite the fairy tale. 

I still feel like Cinderella pre Prince Charming days.

A castle is in the future but a dream right now.

Time to get cleaning.

Till a good lawyer do us part...

I have had this picture for some time now. I guess I have been waiting for the appropriate time to share it. Today would be that day. Five years ago today, I was getting ready for the wedding that I dreamt about my entire life. 

The fairy-tale: the handsome prince on his white horse whisking away his beautiful princess into a magical world (why do the Disney movies stop at the wedding? What happens after the i do's..guess they would lose a ton of money if they made a movie based on Ariel as a single mom trying to keep her and the babies afloat...or do they not make it and have to go back "under the sea". 


If there is one thing I have learned then it is that life never ever turns out the way we plan. It is not like the childhood movies we watch.
I wouldn't change my situation for anything. For I know that I am truly in the story that I am suppose to be in. I was made for this story and am thankful for the grace and strength the Lord has given me to walk it out.
The Lord has brought me to a place that I would have never gotten to any other way. I am thankful that I have that book that I can soon close and put on the shelf. I have learned a ton in that book and am the better for it.
There are two sides to every story and I am well aware that the other side of this story is a reader of this blog.
To you: thanks for reading the blog and I wish you the best. I hope to see you on the Grammy's some day soon. Thank you for a beautiful daughter and for giving me such a great story.
-bre

What would you title a modern day Disney movie? 

Peace

This picture does something to my spirit. This week has been..I can't think of a word to describe it. Life...oh sweet painfully beautiful life.

 I am so thankful to be spending another month in my apartment. I don't know what March will hold nor shall I fret about it. I feel like I am in a catapult and I am being pulled back a little bit further only to get released.

 I thought that I had reached the max on how far the Lord could stretch my soul but come to find out, we can handle a little bit more that what we think. 

It is amazing to look at where I was a year ago today and see all the Lord took me through and how I never thought I would make it out of that season. 

The sweetest thing in it all is that it is just a season. Our job is to trust and rest in the truth of our God. 

The seasons of my life are changing. 

As I watch the snow melt and feel the warmth of the sun heat my face, I can't help but be peace. I know big changes are ahead. I have no clue what they are 

BUT..

I know that whatever these months hold, they are necessary for my story. I am committed to the story. As difficult or as sweet as it maybe, the pages must be written.

With that said, I feel a trip to TN here in my very near future. Maybe a stop in Charlottesville on the way. 

Thank you for reading my story.

What if you viewed your life as a story to be written and read later on in life..would you live it differently?   

Next please..

I will gladly and confidently close this chapter of my story. 

There is a power in poverty that breaks principalities

And the plot thickens...
I am pregnant with twins. Just kidding. I am desperately grasping to the promises that God has given me. That is all I have right now. I don't have any answer but what is in Isaiah 54 and I am meditating day and night on these:

"'See, I made the blacksmith. He fans the fire to make it hotter, and he makes the kind of tool he wants. In the same way I have made the destroyer to destroy. So no weapon that is used against you will defeat you. You will show that those who speak against you are wrong. These are the good things my servants receive. Their victory come from ME,' says the LORD"vs 16/17

It is getting hot. Much hotter. 

Also, hear what is in James: 

"Brothers and sisters, follow the example of the prophets who spoke for the LORD. They suffered many hard things, but they were patient. We say they are happy because they did not give up. You have heard about Job's patience, and you know the LORD's purpose for him in the end. you know the LORD is full of mercy and is kind" vs10/11

I must remember my purpose in all of this. It is about the story. About the kingdom. I hope a vacation is written in the story somewhere soon...

If you want a victory, there must be a battle.

 I am listening to Beth Moore's series on Esther again and am blown away. I love the characters in that book. I want my book to be like that. A book that seems to start off as a tragedy but ends in a few characters walking out their undeserved destiny by the grace of GOD. A crazy story of faith and good food and a good man and trust and really cute kids.  I would love to sit with you and talk to you about story and life and God and pain and power and grace and about how the LORD comes through. I love the faithfulness of GOD. He really does come through. There is something though, that must happen on our end before God can come through. We have to do our part. It can be painful and it probably will be. Things may seem completely wrong. The tables can be turned against you; the odds not in you favor.....

BUT GOD.

But God knew this. He knows and HE is waiting for you and I to do our part. To walk out the pages before the victory. We desperately want the victory, but in order for there to be one, there must be a battle. The WORD of GOD says in Isaiah chapter 54 that "no weapon formed against you shall prosper". I love that. This means, however, that there will be a weapon formed against you and I. We should not be shocked when this happens. When opposition comes...BUT...it won't prosper. I am resting in this tonight. So thankful for the previous chapters and how they have been wonderfully  PAINFULLY!!! written by the LORD.

Bare legs

The story continues.... I look forward to the new year when I will be able to write the chapter of how the Lord came through for my housing situation. I am almost sure of what is going to happen but I will keep as quiet about it as I can until I am actually moved. God is so wonderful in how he operates. I am so thankful to HIM for working all of this out. There is no way I could of thought up this plan. It is BETTER than I could have planned it. I love that the Lord works like that. He is so gracious. Although I am ready for the next chapter to come, I must stay in these pages so that I can get to know my character more. So I can see how she operates at "such a time as this".

December vows

Dear December,
I vow to walk through the pages of your cold days. Walking through them not because I enjoy them but because I know that there is a better chapter waiting for me. For I know that all of this is but a season. I vow to be honest with my heart and fall deeper in love with the Master Author who is allowing me to be but a character in HIS story. I have waited all year for you December. The old things must die so that life can abound.
Love, Bre

A Character Who Wants Something

I am having quite a day. An emotional day. I can feel the panic and fear attempting to make itself known in my soul. I also feel the confidence and trust in my GOD rising up. Each one takes its spot in first place, like two runners nearing the finish line. It is a fight to the end. I am reading my favourite book, "A Million Miles and a Thousand Years", for the third time. As I enter this last month, more than ever, I need to be reminded of the story. McKee says in Miller's book, 

"But in that place, I remembered about story, about how every conflict, no matter how hard, comes back to bless the protagonist if he will face his fate with courage...It hurts now, but I'll love this memory, I thought to myself. And I do."

I am excited for this to be a memory. To look back on how the LORD came through. I just got out my old journal and read the entry from this time last year. Some of it reads: 

"Oh Lord, have mercy on me. I can't do this-yes I can- I have been doing this for SO long. Can I do it another year? Can I deal with a shitty marriage for another year?...I really hate school a lot....I just want to cry. How many other women out there are feeling my pain. I bet so many. It is the cry of our hearts to feel loved in our marriage; is that such a hard request? What are they afraid of in loving us? Why don't they get it? Do we get it? Are we suppose to just put up with the shit and go to God? Is that how HE is sure that we are needy of him? I feel as though I am living with my antagonist. Alright-back to the jungle. Lord, I ask for wisdom".

I am thankful for this past year. Thankful for what the LORD has allowed to happen in my heart. Thankful for the beautiful mess of a story that is my life. Thankful that this time next year, I will love this memory. 

"..and sharing a story with somebody made the story more meaningful." pg 154.