Oh sweet spring!

The sun is shining bright. 

I have a basket full of gerber daisies. 

Spring is in the air. 

The grass is looking greener. 

My soul is rejoicing. 

Time to get a dress. 

Egypt

"HE gives strength to those who are tired and more power to those who are weak"

-Isaiah 40:29

I love that spring is right around the corner. Promises of newness await. I am loving my hour commute to work. That time of solitude with my God and with some great music. As I was driving today, I couldn't help but be thankful for all the Lord has allowed in my life. I am loving how the 'testing of our faith develops perseverance' (James 1:3). I feel so much stronger this year. I have more faith and trust in my God than I ever have. I am so thankful for the crazy prayer of, "Lord, do what it takes in my life to get me where you want me". I remember praying that a few years ago. I prayed it again today, remembering the wrecking ball that demolished my life the last time I prayed it. But this time, I didn't pray it in a hesitant manner. I know that the Lord is faithful to do what HE says. I know the Lord is about bringing us into HIM. I know the Lord is good and gracious and loves us with an ardent love. He is jealous and a warrior and kind. He knows all and can see what I can't. So, I pray it with a trust in my soul that I didn't have last time. With a knowing that things are not going to go the way I imagine. 

I am running hard after the Lord. I am seeking first His kingdom. Let's see where that takes me....

Bright

How many more weeks of this winter?

There is a bright future waiting. 

I'm gonna get it. 

2010

Unbelievable. This is the last day of the year. Tomorrow is the day that I have been waiting for all year. This year has been the absolute hardest year of my 28 years of living. I am so glad it is coming to an end. As I reflect on the year, my heart can't help but give thanks. I am thankful for the view in which the Lord allowed the eyes of my soul to see, for without that, I have no idea how I would have made it through this year. I am so glad that 2010 will soon be a memory. I just looked in my journal from last year and the verse I had for this day was Psalm 27:14:

"Wait for the LORD, 

be strong, and let your heart take courage;

Wait for the LORD!"

What a year of waiting it has been. A painfully hard year that I chose to walk through, by the grace of God, because I believe all that has gone on was not about me. There is a story my God is trying to tell and I , in Bre fashion, was the first one to raise my hand and blindly sign up for whatever 'it' was. I will read the fine print next time. 

If I am completely honest with you, then I will tell you that I am scared to death for what is to come. Walking out ones story with eyes solely on the Lord with no strategy is the most difficult thing to do. At the beginning of my story, the Lord spoke Isaiah 54 over me. All I have is what God says:

"vs 4 Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; do not be discouraged, for you will not suffer disgrace;"

"vs 11 O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted, I am about to set your stones in antimony, and lay your foundations with sapphires, I will make your pinnacles of rubies, your gates of jewels, and all your wall of precious stones."

"vs16 See it is I who have created the smith who blows the fire of coals, and produces a weapon fit for its purpose; I have also created the ravager to destroy. No weapon that is fashioned against you shall prosper, and you shall confute every tongue that rises against you in judgement."

I am going to keep trusting and see what happens. I thankfully say goodbye to 2010 and gladly welcome 2011. 

Seasons

It is not here yet. This new season. The spring. Although my heart longs for it, my soul is learning yet another important lesson. It is a lesson in finishing the race that is set before me. I need this time. These last days, weeks and months. I will need this for my future. For what I am called to. One day, this season I am in will be but a memory. I hope to make it a good one. 

"Mom, is that you?"

I am tired. So much to do this month. Everything is, of course, coming together. Why do we ever doubt. The Lord loves us and loves the details of our lives. Things are going to look really different come spring. I am excited for these changes. Bailey just asked me to lick her finger and I did.

Painful pages

This month, in its first days, purposes to be the most challenging of the year. Life is so hard. So interesting. So out of our hands. You come out of high school thinking you have it all figured out: married, kids, family, great job, cute house, happily ever after...It can really mess with your ideas on life when things don't go this way.

BUT...

I think that in this same moment, where the reality of life is juxtaposed with the ideas of how life ought to be, there lies some sort of beautiful mess and freedom and hope. That luckily, things didn't turn out the way you planned. That there might be a bigger, better storyteller who is in the process of writing a brilliant little story and you are nothing more than the main character. That your job is merely to trust in this Writer. To trust that not only has HE not ever failed your character but that HE also has something planned for your character that you could have never written yourself. From the landscapes your character will see, to the deep pain you will feel, and to the prince/princess your character will fall in love with...HE knows. 


Yet sometimes, I still feel that my God is having writers block and is leaving me in the middle of the story going in circles. Maybe it isn't God leaving me in the story. Maybe it is my character fighting the story. Scared of what the next pages have and unwilling to go through the these very difficult pages. I gotta walk through the painful pages. So do you. For spring lies on the other side of winter. 

December vows

Dear December,
I vow to walk through the pages of your cold days. Walking through them not because I enjoy them but because I know that there is a better chapter waiting for me. For I know that all of this is but a season. I vow to be honest with my heart and fall deeper in love with the Master Author who is allowing me to be but a character in HIS story. I have waited all year for you December. The old things must die so that life can abound.
Love, Bre

i love koreans. i might work at the cleaners.

Winter is coming. Autumn once again flew by quickly and I am reminded of last winter. I used to enjoy the winter but now I think, more than ever, that I am ready for the spring and all that means for my story. I am ready for new life and new people and new places and new adventures. I am ready to be outside taking in the fresh air that is surrounding me. I am ready for flowers and smoothies and driving with the windows down. It is so unlike me to want to rush this time of the year, as it has been my favorite, but with all that is going on I am ready for it to be over before it has begun. But I am reminded that I must go through the winter to get to the spring. Spring can't come without the winter. The sweet isn't as sweet without the bitter. And with that, I walk out another page. 

cracker jacks

This past week has been beautiful for my soul. Not easy. In fact, quite difficult but a necessary process as I walk out my story. This morning, as I was washing dishes, doing laundry, making cookies, taking sheets off my bed, cleaning Bailey's room, cleaning out the fridge, getting ready for work and folding clothes Yes. I was doing all of this at once,  it hit me.
I.
am.
a.
single.
mom.
The tears started flowing as I scooped the last 2 oatmeal cookies onto the cookie sheet. Bailey was in the other room pretending to attack the "Queen" with a princess ball. Then, as quickly as the tears started, the Lord, in His loving kindness met me with these words.
This is only a season & you must go thru this in order to get what I have for you. 
Oh sweet Jesus. How you meet me in my little storm. YOU don't pull me out but you smile upon me as I seek Your face.  YOU hold my hand. YOU let me cry on your shoulder. YOU look me in the eyes of my soul and and fill my heart with with joy and peace and grace to keep going. YOU are a faithful GOD  who, despite knowing me fully, still stands confidently by my side.

monkey ball soup

I was not promised that I would not have to go through the storms. I was promised that HE would never leave for nor forsake me. I feel as though the temperature of my story is changing. This morning, I read my journal entry from a year ago. It makes my heart smile that I am no longer in that season of life. It makes me thankful that I was allowed to go through that trying season. Makes me thankful that the LORD allowed all that happened and during all of it, was ever so present. There is now a burning in my heart, like the 100 degree Virginia heat, that is slowing pushing me in a different direction. I am going to have to make some big decisions here in the next few weeks and months. Don't get me wrong, decision making is kinda my thing see previous blog post titled Vase of Tulips but these decisions are kinda huge. Not like Chipotle or GrandThai, dress or jeans, eggs or bagel. I am going to get my change of scenery that I want one way or another. I wonder what coffee shop I will be blogging at in a few months? I will not be cooking in this kitchen that I have cooked in for 4 years. I will not have my nice walk in closet. I will not have my wonderful neighbors from Nepal. why am i crying?!  

Okay. I needed a break. I laid out in the sun for like 30 minutes. Yes. I like to tan too. Leave me alone. 

This has really been a great chapter for me in my story. It has not been easy at all, but being aware of my life and my journey as a story has transformed my perspective. 

It is all about your perspective.

Change your mind set. 

I will gladly embrase the next chapters. They will not look like this one. They are not suppose to. Now I need a strong drink. Iced coffee. yes please. 

June

Well, it is June. One of my 3 least favorite months. The next 2 are on the way. I will be wearing V-necks all summer. I hate shorts but I think I will have to do it. Ya know how people get seasonal depression in the winter? I get it in the summer. I lock myself inside and blast the air. I am praying that GOD will change my angry heart towards summer.
I should get on a sand volleyball team or something. Something fun. Then maybe I will like it.
Anyways.
Guess it is time for my monthly vows to the month.
Last month I did a pretty good job of fulfilling those vows.
so.
Vows to June:
Dearest June, 
Within the next 30 days that I must endure with you I vow to:
-drink a lot of water
-take Bailey to the pool a lot
-get new zed cards made and sent out to at least 10 agencies
-go to Kansas City and have too much fun
-go to Nashville
-get my BreezeStyling blog up and active
-spread the word about my business and get lots of new clients www.breezestyling.com
-work on TRUSTING the Lord
-read a couple of books
-beat some people in some sort of competition
-eat more ice cream
-get in the best shape of my life
-smile more
-pray more
-love more