Picture perfect

photo:vi.sualize.us

I just love this picture.

This is what I want my life to look like.

Have you thought about that? 

If you had to have just one picture of what you want your life to look like..what would it be?

Best buds

I hear friends talk about marrying their best friend. 

Sounds like a great idea.

Maybe one day..

Margarito on the rocks. No salt.

The victory is coming but I must continue to fight for it. Thank you for the reminder. So glad to have you in my corner. 

Off track

Something in my spirit tells me that I am getting off track. I gotta get back to the story. It is a hard road ahead but I know the destination will be so worth it. I must endure run the final laps strong. I thank you friends for your prayers and support through all of this. What dear friends I have in my life. I am so thankful. I will get to see a lot of you in the next week and I.CAN'T.WAIT!!!!

worst birthday :(

I cannot help but think about the worst birthday I have ever had.
Sixth grade. Raytown Middle School. Party was at noon at Coleman park. I believe it was a Saturday.
Worst birthday ever. I had invited what I remember to be about 30+ people. I invited all the popular kids. How many showed up? Four. Four people showed up to my birthday.  To make it worse, there were some people, who told me they couldn't come due to previously booked events, at the park playing WHILE my party was happening. Brian Roberts and Aaron Job. No. I did not forget your names.  Nor will I. I remember Christina Sambursky being there. I think my cousin was there but she had to because she was family and one more... I think it was....I don't remember.
I was included in the four.
So, this memory, as much as I try to get rid of it, still haunts me. My birthday party looked nothing like the one above. As much as I am excited about tomorrow and entering a new chapter, I can't help but shed a tear in remembrance for the 6th grade birthday party. I hope you never have a birthday like the one I had. I have never had a birthday like the one above but maybe someday.

I was on the basketball team?

There is so much to learn on this journey. Just when you think you are going along the roads of life all fine and what not, a dear friend comes along and shoots you straight. I am thankful for that type of person.


The type who won't just run down the court with you and the ball of your  thoughts and emotion and feelings you just passed to them hoping they will shoot a 3 and the crowd will cheer, but one who will chest pass that ball right back to you while giving you the confidence to shoot your own shot. I don't know if you knew me at all in high school but if you did, you are well aware that I was on the basketball team. Notice I did not say that I played basketball. I was, however, on the team  And if you were one of these who graced the halls of RHS with myself then you probably went to the biggest bball game of the year in which we play RSHS.

 Now, I am sure you did not really care to watch the JV girls but I bet you were there for our game. And...I know that you saw what I did in that game. I am shaking my head now in remembrance.  For the fellow readers not fortunate enough to have been there let me give you a quick, painful recap:

  well, since i never actually really "played" I was not used to game situations. hahah. i just sound stupid. ps. i only tried out for bball because i knew it would be a good workout in between track seasons. it had NOTHING to do with my love for basketball. this is kinda like how i wanted to join the Army because I knew basic training would be a good workout. what is WRONG with me people. anyways. so, of course i get put into the game with the last minute left on the clock. i am sure we were down by a few. i don't remember details. WHY? because i was not paying attention to the game. when you sit on the bench every single game, you get used to this. you feel like i fan in a matching jersey and Jordan's. so, back to my second most embarrassing moment, long story short, i somehow steal the ball and run to the opposite goal. I shoot and of course miss. no one was around me. 

i missed the lay up. don't laugh. i mean. do you know what this does to a girl in high school!!!! yeah. messes you up. you get humbled really quick. and never get put in the game again. that was my one and only year of bball.  


Some of my friends are there to cheer me on, some are there to make sure my laces are tied and my jersey is tucked in, some are there to make sure I don't go out for the team next season and others are there to make sure I never get the ball.

I love you all and am glad to call you friend.

bad face

I am drinking my Belgian beer and eating Brussels cookies. hmmm. If I can't be in Europe then I will bring Europe to my house. I have really tried to process what has been going on but it is kinda hard with a 2 year old wanting you to hold her while having episodes 17-20 of "Gummi Bears" on repeat. I have about 60 days to get out of my apartment. I am moving. For real. Moving closer to the city. D.C. I am excited. I found out that we can file for divorce as of January 1st. JANUARY 1ST!!!!! That is so soon. That was by far the best news of my day. Why am I listening to Christmas music?
I am going to start putting lots of effort into my business. I haven't been. at.all. I have had clients come to me and really haven't taken anytime to get the word out or do any sort of marketing. For those who did not know, I am a Personal Style Consultant. Best job ever huh? If you have seen the show What Not to Wear, then you know what I do. without the camera and without the 5K.  I love allowing women/men to see the power that a wardrobe can have. To feel beautiful. To dress the body that is currently theirs. Not 10lbs lighter or how it used to be but how it is now. I teach my clients about the importance of proportion and fit in their clothing. I teach them how to shop with a purpose and on a budget. I throw away the horrible things I find in their closets and bring to life things that they didn't know were great. I shop for those who hate to shop and bring bags of goodness to their homes. I love what I do. This is just a time of transition for me as I look for a new home and spend lots of hours building my business.
I have about 9 pen pals now. It is so much fun. I had to buy more stamps yesterday. I have 2 in Missouri,  4 in Virginia, 1 in Tennessee, 1 in Georgia and 1 in California. Thank you to my pen pals. It is fun getting to know you and your handwriting and your paper and your envelopes. I love getting your letters in the mail. I would love to have pen pals in each state and some overseas. I gotta think of a cooler word than pen pal.   I am going to Kansas City the end of August/early Sept. I don't know for how long. Maybe a few weeks. I am excited for that trip. My last trip their was awesome and I expect this one to be even better. I am glad July is almost over and I hope that August goes by even faster. It is my least favorite of all the months of the year. It is the hottest. Grrrrrr. September is just around the corner, which means I will be 28 years old. Bring it. I am ready to be 28. Top 3 recent searches in my google search thingy:
1. how do you say goodbye in Swedish
2. how tall is Halle Berry
3. Adele Best for Last Lyrics
Today, Bailey (my daughter) looked at some of my new modeling pictures and said, "Momma. You need a hair cut and you have a bad face."
:)

Coffee talk follow up

Okay. So......after I shut my computer, I asked Sam if he was a photographer. He said no. I was so wrong. I felt like I wanted to go back and edit my blog post. I did not. I don't know what he does now. My whole story about him is off now. He has to be some sort of artist. He was writing something and I saw some big words. He had a special keyboard for his mac. A weird one that was really close. I don't think I would like it. SO.....
Crazy old Maurice (line from Beauty and the Beast) over here (which is suppose to be me) TOLD HIM THAT I WAS BLOGGING ABOUT HIM!!!!.
who.
does.
that.
I do.
Oh my gosh. Not only do I do that BUT.
I
gave
him
the
LINK
!
Sometimes I wonder about my own judgement. I know you do to. wonder about my judgement that is. I prefer the strikeout over the parenthesis.
I spelled out the web address. I felt a bit weird, hoping that I didn't write anything inappropriate about him. I don't think I did. I mean, saying that you sat so close to someone that you could smell their hair isn't weird......is it? creepy. yes. weird. no.
And I was late for work because of all this and I got written up for it. Work was slow...so....slow.
It was one of those nites that makes  you question what the heck you are doing in life and makes you want to quit. BUT...
EARLIER.....
I got a random text from an 816 area code that is kansas city earlier today. I didn't know who it was from and the 816 person didn't tell me. I just knew it wasn't a man cuz that is what the texter said. We played this game all day of me asking questions and guessing. I finally got the answer tonite. It was so much fun. Thank you A for the fun little "who the heck is this" game. I love you. The texter wrote something that changed the rest of my nite. She said that this part of the story is the part that gets edited but everyone knows happens. I am so dumb and deleted my inbox so I don't have the exact txt.  She said that this is the part of the story where I wait in the stillness. Wait...and then the next part of the story goes,
"Until one day....."
:) It made my day when she typed that. Yeah...that is how it is going to go. I am just walking out these pages and then....One day.......

letters for algernon

who doesn't want a handwritten letter in the mail? I remember in 5th grade at Robinson Elementary that I had a penpal. I loved it. I have a penpal now. We ask questions and say some randomnesses about ourself and our day. It is the best 44 cents ever spent. Let us support the US mail (which might have to shut down here in a few years thanks to technology and the fact that people don't know how to write...only texting now) and buy a stamp. email me your address: breduis@gmail.com
don't email me your email address. your HOME address. I know...we don't use it much anymore. ask the mailman if you aren't sure.
algernon should get letters. not flowers.

Update from the wedding

I mentioned a few posts ago that I was going to a wedding while I was in Kansas City.  I went. It was perfect. I thought I would know some people when I got there but I only knew the brides family. I invited myself to sit with a table of all really cool people. There were only 2 people sitting down when I first got there but then a bunch of really cool people soon came. The table consisted of 4 couples, a baby and me.
couples:
#1. married 2 years. 3 months pregnant.
#2. married. handed out programs at wedding. really cute. guy in skinny suspenders and shoes w/no socks.
#3. married. hairstylist wife who is pregnant (with baby #2) and has a chest piece (tat). husband has dreads and tat's and is really cool
#4. married. cutest baby.
then there was me.
I had so much fun and met a bunch of really cool people. I told the bride how much I loved her and made crude jokes with the groom. I hung out with the brides grandma(B's mom) and brought her iced tea. She is from Mississippi. I ate the best piece of white cake that I think my mouth has ever tasted and ate all of the awesome food on my plate. I stayed till the very end and talked with some funny people after the wedding. I just journaled what my heart felt and I want to just share this little part from it:
     "The K/W wedding was unbelievable. I was emotional-my heart so desired what I saw there. 2 young hearts completely in love; 2 families coming together. The W's were fully supported. The wedding looked vintage. There was food & dancing. The bride was nervous for her wedding nite. Their friends were cool & supportive. Lots of skinny ties & scruff & tattoos. All wonderful things. As I was watching them have their first dance, my heart really felt. I wanted that. My heart wanted that feeling. N was playing with her hair & looking at her in a way that I have never seen. My heart longed for that atmosphere. Surrounded by cool creative people who are walking out their little creative lives & who all  truly love K & N. As my heart was coveting, the Lord spoke so tenderly to those thoughts, "I have something for you. It is not this. It is fully YOURS." WOW. I felt it. My heart stopped coveting. I thanked the Lord for that. My heart let that moment be fully theirs. I no longer tried to steal it. I did, however, take notes on the decor"

actually picture from the ceremony (you can see the back of my head :)

What the LORD has for both you and I is fully OURS. What a freeing thought.

Today

This is what I did today. It took a really long time. I didn't use a level. I am so glad to sit in a chair right now in this room and blog while looking at my little creation. I have a candle lit too. I want my home to be open for you to come over if you like. I mean, it is. Unless you are a creeper..and by using the strikeout doesn't mean that I don't really mean that. It just means that is what I am thinking but don't really think i should type it. I am having my girls over on tuesday. I am excited for that. Food & friends. life is good. I am missing Kansas City a bit. a lot I will go back in Sept. I think. I hope. I really enjoy my friends there. There is never enough time when I visit. I need more frames. Will you send me one or 2? Any size.

Team Welch

I am going to a wedding this coming Saturday. This will be the first wedding I will be going to since my status has changed from married to separated and soon to be divorced.
I wonder how my heart will take it.
I will be there alone without a man on my side, without a diamond on my finger, with only unkept promises of faithfulness and love sitting close by.
I am sure I will cry.
I ALWAYS cry at weddings.
These tears will be new though. They will be tears that originate much deeper than my eyes. They are tears that come from a place of hope and trust in my God.
They are tears for K. & N. that come out in a deep longing and desire for you both to:
-Never ever lose your love for the Lord 
-Love each other more each day
-Be each others best friend
-Have FUN together
-Have accountability in your marriage
-Set goals, dream really big and get the Lord's vision for you future
-Never use the 'D' word
-Don't go to bed angry
-K.-don't ever let yourself "go". Be beautiful for your N. Do not speak ill of him. Respect his authority. Pray for him everyday. Seek the Lord and follow where he leads.
-N.-be better every day. Never become complacent. YOU are the man. Seek the Lord and be the head of your home as you are called to by God.
-Be on the same team. Don't fight against each other but rather For your union. 

Enjoy your last week before marriage. It will surely fly by. I am honored to be able to share this day with you both. K. thank you for letting me be apart of your life and your story. Don't forget that little scenario I set up for you about K. in the bathroom smelling her pits. Love.
-

Our Restaurant

So my friend G. and I were talking about the restaurant we would open. It would maybe look kinda like this: 

Maybe not. But I like how the bar stools are not all matching. Our dishes would be like this:

just a mix and match. Yeah. nothing would be the same. All plates different, all cups different. We would go out and pick all of the plates we loved. All the cups we loved. All the forks and knives and spoons that we loved and of course the mugs would be.....AMAZING.

I would want this on the wall:

And lots of art. We would want an old cool building.... We would have a small menu and local, organically grown food. The beer would be amazing. and the coffee beans perfect. I would make pizza and we would have a garden on the roof or out back. We would make our own olive oil...:) im pushing it. It would be a place of coffee and food and community and quality. Yeah. Here...Guess I will add it onto my master 'To Do" list.
-Go to Greece
-Summer in Southeast Asia
-write a book
-get certified in yoga
-plant a garden
-spend a long time in Hawaii
-use the public bus
-taste moonshine
-visit the South
-have a baby
-get a wax. ouch
-get a tattoo
-get another tattoo
-and another one
-open a restaurant

Midwest

You know what I like most about the midwest? No...Its not the Super Wal-mart who prostitutes herself on each corner like little Ms. Starbucks does out here. And, it is not the overall lack of style. I like and by like I mean LOVE the sense of community. No wait....It is not a sense....It IS.
People actually get together. Yep.
Strange concept out here on the East Coast where everyone lives a good hour away and everyone is "too busy" and you get penciled in for the end of the month only to get pushed back because something came up. WOW. Do I sound angry?
I am not. Not at all.
Just slightly annoyed.
I have 2 faithful friends out here and i made a new one today...I think she will be faithful too.
Carrie and Virginia. You are faithful friends. Thank you. And Grace, you will be faithful.
Anyways.....
Yeah, so the midwest does quality time really well. The reasoning is not important....maybe there is absolutely nothing to do and there is no traffic so you can get anywhere in 15 minutes but that is not the point....you make time for that which you find important. People are important to the Midwest. Work is important to the East Coast. Not wrong WRONG just different.
I want to bring the crazy concept of "Community" to the East Coast.
It is going to be so so challenging. I have tried before and failed.
I will try again.
So give me a few folks who want to break bread together and share life together and I will bake bread.

A Vase of Tulips

A dear friend A. recommend this fabulous book called Vessels & Flowers by Sally Pickard and Brenda Dulmage. I am so glad that I ordered it. It is a book about personality types as a Christian woman. It is a GREAT book. It place us, as women, in  one of 5 vessels, which describe our temperament and one in seven flowers which describes our function. I went into this journey of the book hoping to be a basket but realized that I was a vase. A vase of tulips. Thank you Lord.
 Words describing the vase: takes charge, determined, enterprising, firm, bold, decisive, logical, impatient, strong-willed, demanding, arrogant, calculating, powerful and insensitive.
I was laughing out loud when reading the chapter because it was right on. I have accepted my vessel. It then goes on to talk about each vessel as  a: mother, wife, young adult, child and the challenges of each as well as the strengths.
Vase:
-her control and strength gives others confidence in her, a confidence that she knows what she is doing
-she expects others to reach her standards
-if you seek advice from a Vase she will tell you exactly what she thinks (hehe)
-good decision maker
-very productive
-if she feels a responsibility toward you, she will protect you to the end
-her forceful movement toward her goal means those who get in her way get "steam-rolled" (sorry. gotta getter done)
-knows where she is going and plans on paying the price to get there
-is well equipped to protect her husband and he can depend on her to "steam roll" others who try to undermine his authority
-is not afraid of pressure or confrontation

 It then gives each vessel a verse. My verse:
"She is clothed with strength and dignity. She can laugh at the days to come."-Proverbs 31:25


Then the goes into your function. They use a flower to describe this. There are seven flowers and I am a tulip. A tulip is a leader. It says that the tulip, "is usually the first flower to come up in the Spring and when she does, she seems to be saying, "come on ladies. Let's get going!""
Yep.
I am a tulip.
More things about a tulip:
-it is hard for her not to take control
-she likes to get up and get going early with a lot of enthusiasm
-enjoys making decisions, loves completing a task,
-doesn't do well when a project gets all bogged down with disorganization or people problems
-takes responsibility and organizes what her husband puts in her charge
-if her husband takes charge she will follow him, but if he doesn't, she is compelled to take over
-as a mother, she has a vision for her family and her children
-she builds her children's character as she leads toward her vision
"You can tell the Tulip is a Leader when people naturally follow her"

I have learned so much about myself these 2 days while reading this book. I have learned the freedom in walking in who God has made me and how to bring my personality under the Lordship of Jesus. I have also learned to allow others to be who God has made them and how together we can make a beautiful bouquet. I recommend it to you. You better get it. wait a minute here...i am learning NOT to steam roll you into doing things...  Feel free to order the book if your heart so choses. :)

Randomnesses

Great day. I mean, today was a great day. It was a really busy day full of traffic and friends and an interview and Chipotle and crab rangoon. Chipotle definitely gets capitalized. crab rangoon...not so much.
I think I drank way too much coffee today. A great friend from the wonderful state of Iowa sent me a lb of coffee beans yesterday from the coffee shop she works at. The beans are perfect. Thank you Dana!!
So...
too much coffee today.
Speaking of coffee, why do people look at me funny when I order my drink at Starbucks? What do they think I am going to order..I smile a bit inside. I get a tall Americano in a grande cup. Now, I do use a lot of half and half but not THAT much. I like the room at the top because I like to drink my coffee without a lid. I don't want it filled to the top while I am in my car. Plus....half the time those dang Starbucks employee's don't listen as the "Tall Americano in a Grande Cup" is called and they fill it up anyways...makes me shake my head......AND...while we are on Starbucks.....Do the Americanos not come double cupped anymore?? Please do answer if you work at Starbucks or know the protocol for that. When I used to work there, we double cupped the Americano. I like the double cup. Just saying...
So..
too much coffee today
I can't sleep. I know its only 1am now but I am like WIDE AWAKE!!!!
This is never good for me at this such hour. My mind goes and goes and goes.....
Hmph...I want to keep this post light. Not get into TOO much crazy deep stuff of the heart. Keep it light. Write about your interview at Anthropologie today or something....Or how you looked EVERyWHERE today for a black head scarf and couldn't find one....
Do you know what I think is gross? Biting fingernails....SICK!! Who does that? It's just disgusting. That is why I bite my cuticles. Now THAT is good stuff right there.
I really feel like the year 2012 is going to be my year. That is the year I turn 30. I have wanted to be 30 for quite some time now. I think that number is just perfect. I am excited for where the story will be when I am 30.
You want to know what will always make me happy? I am going to tell you anyways
-a clean house
-gerber daiseys
-french pressed coffee
-jazz playing in the background
-full tank of gas in my car
I once ate a skittle that I found in the back of someones old car. It was in that little pocket that is stuck to the back of the passenger seat. I don't know what that thing is called. But there was a skittle in it and I ate it.
I hate Kohls. I mean. I hate it...like really bad. I don't support that place. AT ALL.
When I spent a summer in Cambodia, one of my most favorite things was doing Thai Chi with all the old people in front of the palace at 4:30. That was AWESOME. I also went to the Killing Fields in Cambodia. That was unreal. If you don't know anything about the Killing Fields then a quick google search will help you or there is a movie conveniently called, "The Killing Fields" that talks about Pol Pot and what happened in Kampuchea in the 70's. I took home a tooth that I found on the ground. Maybe that was prophetic.
I am really excited about something. I can't tell you though. Just know that I am excited....and....I can't sleep a lot because of the excitement.
And lastly, I am really thankful to all of the people in my life who have sent me gifts in the mail and emails and encouraging comments. I have been so overwhelmed by the responses that I have gotten because of this Beautiful Mess that I am in.  I thank the Lord that at least one life other than my own has been impacted by HIS POWER and FAITHFULNESS and GOODNESS and MERCY.
So..that is it. The blog for today. oh...Not yet..I went to Steinmart for the first time today looking for a black scarf. I got desperate that is why I went there. I hate that store too. Not as much as Kohls but pretty close.
Is it rude to ask someone if you can come to their wedding?? I think I am going to ask someone. I really want to go and they are going to have THE coolest wedding and I really like the bride. She is great. And I really want to steal all of her ideas for my wedding to come in the future. I think I will facebook her about it. I think she will let me come. I will let you know what she says and if she thinks that is rude. ....
.....K. I just sent her a facebook message.
I never want to live in India or Florida. They both sound really hot.
I wonder if the brown girls who like white boys are as obvious looking as white girls who like brown boys. hmmm. i re-read that sentence like 5 times. don't know if people will get it. It sounds right in my head. 
I have some friends. I have a couple that are dear friends and one that is dearest. This is the end of my randomness blog.

New People. New life.

This past week has been so exhausting yet so wonderful. I am loving my new church so much. I love that it is my "black sand beach". that was an inside joke. I have gotten to know three wonderful people from that beach this week. I am so happy. We have inside jokes, we laugh, we love Jesus. I know that two out of the three are reading this so and it may or may not be about you. that is an inside joke. I am thankful for you three. Thank you for reaching out..for sharing your story...for hearing mine...I am excited to do life with you..Excited to cross things off our bucket lists..that is an inside joke..and excited to go thru our late twenties together..that is an inside joke...i don't like when other people have inside jokes. I feel so left out.. the mystery of wondering what the heck people are talking about..wanting to have been there so i could be apart of the joke too. Be intentional, make time for one another, break bread together. the jokes will come. Who do we blog for? Is it just for me? No. I am hoping you will read this. I am hoping you will leave a comment. I am hoping something in each post will spark something in you. I am hoping you will hear my heart in a way that can only be shared via my blog.  I have a new book to read now. its called "a thousand years and a million miles". I will start it in the morning. I am now excited for my birthday! Remember-i don't like diet things or fru fru things. No fancy weed salads. White cake. I am pumped about Sunday dinners, going to Philly, wineries and dominating you with the ab wheel. You will get dominated fyi. more inside jokes. can't wait to learn more about the ck's out there. nite.