Painful pages

This month, in its first days, purposes to be the most challenging of the year. Life is so hard. So interesting. So out of our hands. You come out of high school thinking you have it all figured out: married, kids, family, great job, cute house, happily ever after...It can really mess with your ideas on life when things don't go this way.

BUT...

I think that in this same moment, where the reality of life is juxtaposed with the ideas of how life ought to be, there lies some sort of beautiful mess and freedom and hope. That luckily, things didn't turn out the way you planned. That there might be a bigger, better storyteller who is in the process of writing a brilliant little story and you are nothing more than the main character. That your job is merely to trust in this Writer. To trust that not only has HE not ever failed your character but that HE also has something planned for your character that you could have never written yourself. From the landscapes your character will see, to the deep pain you will feel, and to the prince/princess your character will fall in love with...HE knows. 


Yet sometimes, I still feel that my God is having writers block and is leaving me in the middle of the story going in circles. Maybe it isn't God leaving me in the story. Maybe it is my character fighting the story. Scared of what the next pages have and unwilling to go through the these very difficult pages. I gotta walk through the painful pages. So do you. For spring lies on the other side of winter. 

The Soul Train

It is quite an amazing experience to actually walk through either a painful or emotional process. I have blogged on this before I believe. About the difference in walking through and experiencing the emotion rather than just trying to get over it or suppress it. Something so significant happens in the soul. The soul is allowed to grow up and get a bit more stable and understand life in a richer way. I hope that I never want the process of life to rush by. I hope to glean all I can from the moments that happen. I hope to take mental pictures so that might remember who I was with and what I was about at the time it happened. As I sit on my bed right now- typing, listening to Carla Bruni, windows open, rain pouring and wind blowing, I thank my God for this nite. This emotional nite in which my soul was able to grow up a bit more. A nite where my Lord met me in my fear and questions. A nite where I was able to feel the weight of it all and then able to feel the relief of it all as my Jesus lifted the burden and simply loved on me.

"Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life"

Proverbs 4:23