From the journal...

photo: johnfenzel.vox.com

Journal entry: March 23rd 2011

"My story is not for me. It is for you and your doubt and your fear and your abandonment. None of this stuff matters. Jesus is what matters. And not that your hurt or your sorrow is not important but it is that, despite that. Despite the mess ups and the imperfections and the failure and the rejection-Jesus. Sweet Jesus. Whispers so gently in the ears of our soul- I love you. I have a plan for you and your little mess of a life. Ive got it. I know you don’t know. I know you don’t trust and you fear, but darling daughter, you are mine. I picked you. I created you. I love you darling. And I, your father, your husband, your maker, will NEVER leave or forsake you. Oh sweet darling. My darling daughter. I love you more than you could ever imagine. I knew this was going to happen. I knew it. This is not a surprise to me. I am allowing something in your soul to happen that would not otherwise happen. I know. Cry. Feel. Weep daughter. I will show you step by step my faithfulness. I know you don’t fully trust me. I know its hard. I will prove my faithfulness to you and you wont ever have to doubt. But you will. And I will prove to you over and over again. Because I love you. You are darling to me. You can not imagine what I have for you. I smile when I see you trying to picture it. You can’t even fathom it. You can’t make it happen. Only through your obedience and my grace will you get there. It will be harder than you trying to do life in your own strength because many a days you won’t know what is next. It won’t make sense to those around you, like Noah, but know what I have spoken to you daughter. Know my voice. You know my voice. You know the still sound of my voice. Follow that. Be gracious and follow that. I will not leave you. I have not brought you this far to leave you. I will not leave you. I am not man who will leave you. I am your God. When you feel like you can go no further; keep going. It is through that push. Just like the last pushes of labor, when you feel you can push no more, that you birth the promises I have for you."