I have been thinking about all the random pages of my story that will never get published. The filler pages that no one really wants to read, but little paragraphs that I carry with me as I travel through the pages of my story:
1. The time that I was hanging out with my friend Toni in good ol' Raytown, Missouri. We went to get into some trouble at a friends house and as I walked through the front yard to get to the house, I heard someone yell out the window from upstairs:
"DON'T EVER WALK THROUGH A BLACK PERSON'S YARD!!"
I never walk through people's yards. Especially if they are black.
2. My family went to eat at this wonderful place called Grandy's in KC. I was probably 10 years old. I accidentally left my purse there. I am not sure if I got the purse back, but the feeling of losing all of my little 'precious' things was horrible.
I have never forgotten my purse, keys or phone.
3. While in Jamaica, the group I was with went cliff jumping into a most beautiful lagoon.
I am scared of heights and big water (oceans).
I am also not the best swimmer and can only hold my breathe for about 4 seconds.
As I was mid air, I remembered all of these things.
I think this one sums up how I go about life:
Pray. Jump. Figure it out as you go. Make a beautiful memory. Don't ever do it again.
What are some memories that effect who you are today?
1 This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD: 2 “This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: ‘Write in a book all the words I have spoken to you. 3 The days are coming,’ declares the LORD, ‘when I will bring my people Israel and Judah back from captivity and restore them to the land I gave their ancestors to possess,’ says the LORD.”
"My story is not for me.
It is for you and your doubt and your fear and your abandonment. None of this
stuff matters. Jesus is what matters. And not that your hurt or your sorrow is
not important but it is that, despite that. Despite the mess ups and the
imperfections and the failure and the rejection-Jesus. Sweet Jesus. Whispers so
gently in the ears of our soul- I love you. I have a plan for you and your
little mess of a life. Ive got it. I know you don’t know. I know you don’t
trust and you fear, but darling daughter, you are mine. I picked you. I created
you. I love you darling. And I, your father, your husband, your maker, will
NEVER leave or forsake you. Oh sweet darling. My darling daughter. I love you
more than you could ever imagine. I knew this was going to happen. I knew it.
This is not a surprise to me. I am allowing something in your soul to happen
that would not otherwise happen. I know. Cry. Feel. Weep daughter. I will show
you step by step my faithfulness. I know you don’t fully trust me. I know its
hard. I will prove my faithfulness to you and you wont ever have to doubt. But
you will. And I will prove to you over and over again. Because I love you. You
are darling to me. You can not imagine what I have for you. I smile when I see
you trying to picture it. You can’t even fathom it. You can’t make it happen.
Only through your obedience and my grace will you get there. It will be harder
than you trying to do life in your own strength because many a days you won’t
know what is next. It won’t make sense to those around you, like Noah, but know
what I have spoken to you daughter. Know my voice. You know my voice. You know
the still sound of my voice. Follow that. Be gracious and follow that. I will
not leave you. I have not brought you this far to leave you. I will not leave
you. I am not man who will leave you. I am your God. When you feel like you can
go no further; keep going. It is through that push. Just like the last pushes
of labor, when you feel you can push no more, that you birth the promises I
have for you."
Walking out life trusting the Lord is not as easy/convenient/fun as it may sound.
When the Lord tells you one thing, it seems that everyone else has something different to say:
~get your resume' together
~move to KC
~live with your outlaws
~move to TN
~go back to school
~Mclean Bible website
~move to Wisconsin
..just to name a few
This lead me to open up the Word of God and see if there wasn't someone else who God told to do something that didn't really make sense and see how they handled it:
vs14"Make yourself an ark of cypress wood; make rooms in the ark...Make a roof for the ark.. and put the door of the ark in its side; make it with lower, second and third decks. For my part, I am going to bring a flood of waters on the earth, to destroy from under heaven all flesh in which is the breath of life; everything that is on the earth shall die. But I will establish my covenant with you; and you shall come into the ark, you , your sons, your wife, and your sons' wives with you."
vs22"Noah did this; he did all that God commanded him."
If you are a serious theologian, then you know that a huge flood came, there were lots of animals, 2x2 on the arc, and everyone on the earth, except the arc dwellers, died.
I decided to listen to the Lord. I waited. I trusted...
except that one time when I got on craigslist and got a heavenly smack on the hand.
The thing was that I could have stayed in the apartment but I just didn't have the money for it minor details. I had to be out, or write a check by the 7th of January.
A check, from a random person, was handed to me on the 3rd of January.
And this continued, getting a check from random people,
FOR 7 MONTHS!!!
I put in my notice but found out it was a 60 day notice instead of a 30 day And of course I blogged about it It's time....
The rent was paid for until I officially moved out on August 8th.
When the Lord says to wait & trust the only thing to do is wait & trust.
There are so many little stories that I could tell you about how faithful HE has been in these most recent chapters of my story, and I feel that it is now time to start sharing these stories:
Last November/December was a crazy time for me. The lease for my apartment was up the first week of January and I couldn't afford my 1,200$ a month rent as a single mom. Graciously, some dear friends of mine knew my situation and offered their home to me. We had been talking about this idea a bit since September and they were more than ready to have Bailey and I in their home. How awesome was that!!! So, as I started to pack(late November), I called to see which weekend would be best to start moving in. The person said, "oh, I am sorry, it's not going to work out.".....
What do you mean it's not going to work out.....
Did we not have a few months worth of conversation about this?
I was beyond confused but knew the Lord was at work.
So, early December, another friend sits down with me and explains that they need au pair and that I could live with them AND they would pay me. What an amazing opportunity! I was looking to transition jobs and the location would be perfect and I would get to spend my days with Bailey. They needed someone right at the new year too! This was amazing and right on time!
Journal entry Dec9th:
'When things don’t seem like they will work out, HE makes an even better way than what we could expect'
So Christmas Eve, I get a call from them saying, "It's not going to work out."
At this point, I had 2 weeks to be out of my apartment. I could stay but I didn't have the money.
I mean, is 1200$ just suppose to show up from nowhere?
Journal entry Dec 31st:
'I have no clue what 6 months from now will look like. Who is to say that I won’t be some women’s shelter somewhere. As I was just thinking that, I heard in my head, “I am about to…”. God is about to. I just have to wait on HIM. I have to wait on the LORD. WAIT on the LORD. It is so hard...Things might get harder before they get easier but something in my spirit says its going to be worth it.'
So there I was, days before I had to be out of my unpacked apartment with no money and I feel like I am just suppose to trust the Lord. Just wait and trust.
It has been a VERY busy year. The LORD has been doing amazing things and has proven Himself faithful over and over again. I feel like the first part of 28, the Lord was showing me that HE was faithful and gracious. As I enter into the next chapter, the Lord is in the process of showing me that HE is a Redeemer. I love what the LORD has done in this past year and I cannot wait to see what HE has in store for this next year. I am looking forward to:
~another trip to San Fran
~hanging out with Bailey
~trip with my love to Idaho
~Kansas City for Thanksgiving
~a surprise trip overseas with my love
~a few important weddings
~a big move
~lots and lots of adventures.
Special thanks to my dad for his contribution and to my mom for birthing me :)